Anger is Chasing Me

Anger is stalking me. I started a painting about Anger and it turned into to a painting of a monster attacking my body, starting at the leg. Initially I thought it was about my long standing Anger regarding men. When I was 21 my father’s big advise was to become a lawyer because men were no good. While he was probably talking mostly about himself, he definitely had a point. However, my major Anger has been about my health. Sorry guys you only come in second.

Since I was 31 I have been dealing with 3 different cancers. First. was Melanoma. This was clearly the most dangerous. Without going through all the gory details, I ended up with state 4 Melanoma and was told I would be dying soon. It was the perfect meeting of my anxiety and a serious health problem. Since 1985 the Melanoma has not reappeared but I spend a lot of time having things taken out to make sure that are not Melanoma. Hence, I am full of medical phobias. At this moment I am engaged in two medical moments. First I was told I had a tumor in my colon and had to get a CT scan to verify it. Since Melanoma was my chief concern I assumed I was going to die. I imagined the Operations and chemotherapy and thought I can not go through it again. I realized that my anxiety about Cancer was more dangerous than the Melanoma itself. After spending three days from going to hell and back, I was told it was not a tumor but an inflammation. However, the CT scan did turn up other less dangerous problems which I now have to deal with.

Without all the help I have gotten to deal with my Anxiety which is outlined in this book, I might have hurt myself before I heard that I was fine. Never think that Anxiety caused by phobias are real and never act on this misconception.