Anxiety Driven by a Phobia is Dangerous

Recently I contracted a bladder infection that can be easily taken care by antibiotics.  However in the past I have had the same very unpleasant symptoms as the infection and it was an out of control long-term anxiety reaction, a “nervous break down in my bladder”.  I got the antibiotics on Friday and they did not work. By Sunday evening I was convinced I was having the “bladder nervous break down”.  Given that I has been through this before and was phobic about the problem, I grew desperate.  It felt like I was being thrown into the hyperspace of anxiety.  My thoughts swung from “it will end in a few weeks” to “killing myself” before I suffered too much.  Monday morning I got a call from the Doctor, the lab reported that I was given me the wrong antibodies for the bacteria I had contracted.  I got the new drug and now the problem is gone.

The experience was funny in a black humor sort of way.  One minute it is good bye world and the next it is “ Sorry we gave you the wrong medicine”.  I realize I was not seriously going to kill myself but there is no doubt that thoughts of ending things calmed me down.  In the end I can not help but think that the more I think of suicide as a way to solve generally “solvable problems”, even if it is to calm myself down, I am opening a very dangerous door that should remain permanently shut.   Anxiety coupled with a phobia can be very dangerous.  However, there are things to do to make it better.  First, see my doctor and talk it through.  Put together a list of positive things to do when I get like this.   For example, I now have a one to ten scale of my state of mind vs a one to ten scale of the objective reality.  Then write out what is true and was is “catastrophying”.  Reality needs to rule the day!!!!