The Depression Bubble – How To Burst It?

Depression and Anxiety makes me feel like I am living in a “bubble”. Those looking at me do not see the separation between us, but I see that there is a “bubble” separating me from them.  I do my best to meet their expectations and to act like everything is fine.  I seem to have been born with a happy go lucky false face.  It is part of me, and it has turned out to be a powerful survival skill when I deal with others.

However, back to my reality and the “bubble.”  Right now, the bubble is thick, and I feel distant from the rest of life.  It is like I am on an unconscious vacation or living in a nightmare that feels endless.  I went to the doctor and explained I am not doing so well.  I took the depression test.  My score was right in the range of a depressed person.  What a surprise!  He suggested that we look at my current medication and see if strengthening them would help.  A few visits later, I reported no improvement.  So I am adding a new drug, Lexapro, to my regimen.  I decided to take it, because I am lawyer, and “Lex-a-pro” sounded like it was describing me.  I took its name as a sign.  Given the randomness of trying to find a medication that works and doesn’t have unbearable side effect, seeing a drug name as a sign seemed about right.

However, I learned something from the last time I tried to change drugs about a year ago and had terrible side effects that took me to hell and back.  First, make the change slowly so as to mitigate the depth of the side effects.  Sometimes, side effects disappear after a week or two, and sometimes they do not.  I have been on Lexapro for ten days now and am going slowly down on my current drug.  I feel a bit better.  When things are really bad, I am so self-involved that I can’t even see my bubble.  It is a sign of my improved state of mind that I can see it today.  I hope this medication works so that I can bust the bubble . . . wishful thinking, that!