Confused

My granddaughter was just born with severe heart problems.  I am totally confused about how view this and act around it. The outside world sees me as the caring helpful grandmother.  But inside my addictive behaviors are popping up, I assume to hide my sadness and fear that my depression will deepen.

First, I am merging with my son in my mind, trying to solve his problems and trying to take care of everyone with a zeal that when they say no it is too much, I get deeply offended and feel rejected.  Second, I desperately want to spend money on them and myself.  Helping them is probably ok but spending the morning cruising eBay for myself is definitely a bad sign.  Third, I am addicted to sugar…and I have been drinking coke and eating cookies.  This may seem like a small thing but once sugar enters my blood stream it acts like an addiction and I want it all the time.

I know when a very stressful thing happen I act out for awhile and then go into a state of sadness/depression.  Some of the sadness is normal but I need to differentiate between the sadness and the deepening depression.

I am really scared that I am falling into the caldron of depression.  I know the things I can do that help but right now I just want to turn on the TV, have some sugar and numb myself.  My chore for the day is to do one productive thing that will stave off the noontime demon.  I need start out small and build up.