Depression is a Serious and Deadly Illness
First order of business: Since electro-shock treatments (ECT) induces a seizure, all medicines that could effect seizures had to be discontinued. In my case that included two drugs that are notorious for having significant withdrawal symptoms. I gave myself two weeks to get off the drugs before I started ECT. In hindsight that was not enough time.
The treatment: ECT is not a treatment for the faint hearted. Walking into a major urban hospital to have a procedure is not easy for anyone. My procedure was done on the floor where all the major surgeries are performed. Given that my depression first showed itself when I was a patient in the same hospital, it was very hard to walk in. I had to look my fear in the eye and acknowledge it. Some of the fear is related to a hospital phobia and the rest is just normal feelings. The first thing that was done is to put an IV in my arm so they can administer a general anesthetic. Then I was wheeled into the operating room, went unconscious and had the ECT. When I woke up in the recovery room i thought what happened?? I felt just the same. After the second treatment I began to feel the difference, my depression was breaking up. After the fifth treatment my depression was gone. With the depression lifted I realized how the depression had compromised my views and feelings about everything. I felt like I was standing near a circle of gloom but was no longer part of it.
It has been a month since the last treatment and the depression is still gone. I realize that I may have to go back for further treatment in the future but i am hopeful that I can can control it through ECT.
This experience has had a profound effect on my understanding of depression. I have said many times that depression is an illness but I now I believe it in my gut. The fact that ECT broke it up proves it was a real physical problem. This is a major breakthrough.
I still feel anxious. There is no magic bullet for anxiety. Meditation and exercise are ways to self soothe.