Depression is a Serious and Deadly Illness

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First order of business: Since electro-shock treatments (ECT) induces a seizure, all medicines that could effect seizures had to be discontinued.  In my case that included two drugs that are notorious for having significant withdrawal symptoms.  I gave myself two weeks to get off the drugs before I started ECT.  In hindsight that was not enough time.

The treatment:  ECT is not a treatment for the faint hearted. Walking into a major urban hospital to have a procedure is not easy for anyone. My procedure was done on the floor where all the major surgeries are performed. Given that my depression first showed itself when I was a patient in the same hospital, it was very hard to walk in.  I had to look my fear in the eye and acknowledge it.  Some of the fear is related to a hospital phobia and the rest is just normal feelings.  The first thing that was done is to put an IV in my arm so they can administer a general anesthetic.  Then I was wheeled into the operating room, went unconscious and had the ECT.  When I woke up in the recovery room i thought what happened??  I felt just the same. After the second treatment I began to feel the difference, my depression was breaking up.  After the fifth treatment my depression was gone.  With the depression lifted I realized how the depression had compromised my views and feelings about everything.  I felt like I was standing near a circle of gloom but was no longer part of it.

It has been a month since the last treatment and the depression is still gone.  I realize that I may have to go back for further treatment in the future but i am hopeful that I can can control it through ECT.

This experience has had a profound effect on my understanding of depression.  I have said many times that depression is an illness but I now I believe it in my gut.  The fact that ECT broke it up proves it was a real physical problem.  This is a major breakthrough.

I still feel anxious.  There is no magic bullet for anxiety.   Meditation and exercise are ways to self soothe.

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Free Floating Anxiety

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Chasing The Light – Electro Shock