How Anxiety Works for Me

The textbook case of how anxiety works for me happens when I have an appointment to see a cancer doctor who will want me to go through some horrible test, or any test, for that matter.  Three to four weeks before the appointment, I start having psychosomatic symptoms, such as loose bowels, extreme tiredness, bad dreams, day-dreaming about neurotic obsessions and generalized anxiety so strong that I have to lie down and pretend I am someone else.  I experience the height of the anxiety about a week before the appointment.  Then, about 4 days until touchdown I start feeling okay, and I think that it is good that I am seeing the doctor, and how lucky I am to have such great health care.

After going through this routine twice a year for the last 30 years, you would think that I would have developed a sense of humor about this pattern.  However, it is only when the anxiety loosens its grip on me that can I see the pattern.  This reminds me of a movie where the woman was in an accident and lost her memory going forward.  Each day, she had to watch a video to show her what was happening in her life.  I could do something like that; but, unfortunately, I do not think it would make me feel better.  This medical anxiety is hard-wired in my brain and my body.  I wonder if hypnosis could help.