What I Do All Day

I woke up this morning wondering what I had done for the last three months beyond being very anxious.  Anxiety is a real time sink.  However, I also realize that I am counting the time when I am doing something useful as wasteful anxiety time.  So, I am trying to accept my anxiety as ever present even though I am functioning in a reasonable manner.

One thing I do to help keep myself in reality is to keep a journal of what I have done every day.  I have ten categories, including exercise, meditation, learn something useful, etc.  For each category, I rate myself before I go to bed on a one to ten scale.  I also note the highlights of the day, such as walking the dog, eating out, whatever.  My primary purpose in keeping this journal is to show myself that even though my Depression/Anxiety disease has been in my head during the day, I actually had a useful day.

A classic example of how this works happened this morning.  After talking about how useless I was for a couple of hours to my husband and myself, I decided to read in my journal what I had been doing for the last three months.  It turns out that I have been rather productive.  It doesn’t feel that way, but that is what the book says.  The journal entries are real; my feelings in a given moment are generally off the mark.