Looking Back – Three Years of Working My Program

After three years of posting on this site, I decided to read over my posts and to try to glean any wisdom from them that I can.  I still wake up every morning needing ways to deal with my Depression/Anxiety.  Managing this disease does not mean that the disease goes away, only that by managing it, the disease is easier to live with.

My review has yielded the following list of 8 actions that I need to try to keep constantly in mind as available tools to manage Depression/Anxiety:

Mindfulness:   I need to remember that the main times I ruminate are: (1) after I wake up in the morning, especially on Saturdays, (2) in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep; and (3) when I am driving.   I also need to remember the following things not to do when I am in key rumination periods: (4) don’t have conversations with people who are not there (one of my favorites); and (5) do not write letters or e-mails that will never be sent.  These ruminations are almost always negative.  Even if I am not ruminating, I need to consciously try to focus on what is happening in the present.  Watching my dog, who is always in the moment, is helpful.

Ignore scary thoughts:  When a disaster scenario comes to mind, I need to remember that this is “stinking thinking” and is unrelated to reality.  One of the most frequent of these crazy ideas arises when I am driving; I get the thought in my head that am going to be in a bad accident.

Meditation:  When I mediate every day, beyond the immediate good it does me, it is easier to stay in the present that day and to believe that “in the moment” perception of reality is the real thing.  Thus, meditation has “spill over” benefits.

Drugs for Depression/Anxiety:  Take them.  I went off my meds for a month, and I realized how the meds keep me steady so that I am able to use the other management tools more effectively.  At least in my case, the meds are not enough in themselves, but they put me on the playing field of life and take me away from the dark place where I am living underground.  Thus, the meds are a jumping off place to having a full life.

Focusing:  These various tools are hard to remember when I am in the midst of a Depression/Anxiety moment.  Counting in random numbers or tapping my leg are techniques that seem to shut off the “stinkin’ thinkin’.”  The best part is that it is easy and rather cool to do these exercises.

Admitting that I am powerless over the disease of Depression/Anxiety:  This disease is not my fault.  In my case, it is probably genetic.  It is hard to accept this, because if it is not my fault, then there is no way for me to make it go away.  Sometimes, this truth is so hard to accept that I have to “act as if” it is true in order to go on with my life.  Saying the Serenity Prayer helps me to deal with this reality.  “God (Higher Power) give me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change, the COURAGE to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference.”

Taking your depression pulse in the morning using a scale between one and ten:  Knowing where you are on that scale is helpful.  If I am not doing well, I can expect a lot of negative thoughts and destructive behaviors.  Knowing and recognizing that I am not doing well that day helps me to plan strategies to combat negative thoughts and behaviors.  Two good mantras to use on such a day are: “My thoughts are not my friends” or “My mind is a dangerous place, and I can only go there with a friend.”  I also use art to help get a handle on where I am psychologically.  Once I know I am not doing so well, I try to remember to take out my “bad day instruction book,” which reminds me of the tools I should use to feel better.  Examples include: take a walk, exercise, talk to someone about it, or blog about how I feel.

Keep a journal of all the things I do in a given day:  This is not a diary about how I feel but a journal about the actions I took that day.  The journal is a record of the fact that although it may feel like I have done nothing all day but be depressed and anxious, I did, in fact, go to the store or exercise.  It also can be a record of the tools I used that day to help myself.