Mother’s Day

I have wondered over the years whether and how my depression/anxiety has effected my mothering.  My most basic rule has always been to never consciously use my son to lean on when I am down.  He should lean on me not the other way around.  While I think I have done a good job on the conscience side, I wonder whether my mood problems have unconsciously affected my relationship with and or hurt my child.  A mood disease is both confusing for the one who suffers but terrifying to those around you because it effects your personality.  There is nothing scarier then to have a parent change their personality.  I saw it a few times with my Dad.  It was like an alien had taken over his mind.  We all want our parents to be strong and their for us.  Since I wanted so badly to have my father present for me, I have been conscience of not exposing my son to the worst my disease has to offer.  However, I have been honest with him about the facts of my disease.  I emphasize it is just a disease like any other, but it can get complicated.  As my great grandfather use to say “life is grand if you don’t weaken”.  Just taking the next step each day is not weakening.  That is lesson I hope I have taught my child.