Phobia, Depression

I got my first phobia when I was young, a “phobia” being an irrational reaction to a given activity. Throughout adulthood, I picked up two more.  Phobias are undoubtedly caused by some type of extreme stress and probably related to depression/anxiety.  But honestly, it is hard to know where phobias come from.

Today, I am painfully aware that my phobias are alive and well.  Right now, I am in a situation which requires me to take an action, which has turned on my medical phobia light bulb.  Sleeplessness, stomach aches and just plain fear are accompanying me, as I had a biopsy, got the result and now plan a surgery to take out a lump.   But the troublesome aspect is that my reaction is so intense, even though I am not looking at cancer but a fatty “benign tumor,” which I have known about for ten years.  It has grown a bit, so it has to go.

How can I calm myself down?  Writing it down helps.  I have been meditating about sitting on a beach and then going underwater and playing with turtles.  The idea is that the turtles and I are part of the same world.  It is an attempt to put things in perspective.  But phobias are not friendly to perspectives. I think that I just have respect the phobia and plough through it.