Too Many People and Too Much Going On... Turning the Voice Off that Says I Can’t Handle It
As the holidays approach, I am freaking out. It is not about anything in particular, but just all the people including new babies (I am now a great aunt by three), parties (a dear old friend is celebrating his 100th birthday, and my son is turning 30) and travel (going to family for Christmas holidays). Additionally, Christmas is a big religious holiday for me (although not so much for my family), and I do not want that to get lost in the shuffle. So, rationally, all these things are good, but it seems impossible to imagine participating in any of the holiday events.
So what should I do?????? Option one is to hide in my closet and hope they do not find me. That may be a bit unrealistic, but it’s a comforting thought. Option two is to take it a day or even an hour at a time. None of the things I am scared of are so terrible when they are broken into small time parts. So today, I wrote 4 Christmas cards. I did not put in a note; I just signed our names. I want to wish everyone a happy holidays and let them know we are fine. Last year, we did not send out anything, and by June, people were calling me asking if I was ok. Then, I had to send out a mass e-mail letting my family and friends know that I was alive and well. To avoid such drama, I am trying to send out these simple cards. So far, I have gone through the address book up to the letter H. When I think of the whole project I want to put my head under the desk. But if I only have to do one letter of the alphabet each day, at least today I should be able to handle it.
Why is this blog so helpful? The idea of reporting back to whoever is reading this blog that I failed to send out the already addressed and stamped Christmas cards will hopefully prompt me into action. We shall see. Last week I spoke about a box I had failed to send for a month. Well after discussing it here, I went to the post office and in a slightly chaotic way (hard to describe but it was a slapstick comedy moment), I sent it off.
On top of all this, there are the Thanksgiving pies. I have been assigned the task of making the pies. So this is my battle plan – I need to have four pies. I will bake two – one apple and one blueberry, because fruit pies are easier to make, and I already know how to do it. But as for the pumpkin and pecan pies, I am going to order them from a great pie shop. Most importantly I am NOT going to go on and on about it in my head. That all too familiar voice in my head that loves to tell me what a failure I am, will have to take Thanksgiving off. However, turning that voice off will be an hour by hour project.
TURNING THE VOICE OFF. Whenever I sense the voice is about to appear, I am going to count in random numbers. This is a focusing technique that breaks the negative thoughts up. I have been trying it over the last week and it works: 1,5,7,3,9,4,6,7,2 . . . Wouldn’t it be funny if Depression/Anxiety could be fully managed by reciting random numbers? I say do whatever works, so you can live each day aware of nature, sounds, other people . . . whatever . . . there is so much we are missing when we are locked in our heads.