You Can Have it All...?

My motto has been “management, management, and then if that does not work more management.   I am starting this blog to record how I am managing  with lots of anxiety and depression.   Well, today it is not too bad.   That, of course, is why I have started a blog.  On a bad day, “forget about it”!!!!!!

For the last month, it has been very bleak.  At one point, I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the emergency room.  It was kind of a fun experience, because I did not have a heart attack and I got lots of positive attention.  Instead of a heart attack, though, all I had a very bad anxiety attack.  They can present themselves like heart attacks.

For the next few weeks, I thought I was just getting very depressed, but then it occurred to me yesterday that maybe the problem was anxiety with my current position in life.  I retired about 9 months ago after a 33 year career as a successful consumer interest lawyer.  I retired early, because it seemed like I just could not handle working and being depressed and anxious.   Now it seems like I cannot handle being retired and being depressed and anxious.  So when I had this moment of clarity yesterday, I decided that I needed to embrace my new life.  After all, it gave me more time to do all the things I need to do in order to alleviate my symptoms….you know, it is a full-time job.

So I am starting this blog to record for myself and whoever reads this all the things I am doing.  First,  I have started tapping my legs.  It  is calming and disconnects something in my brain that wants to connect an anxious feeling with an anxious thought.  I hear that soon they are going to have focusing apps for your cell phone…123…124..etc.  Can’t wait for it.

In addition to writing this blog, I am going to post works of art I have done that reflect my emotional state as one of my anti-depression strategies.  So, this will also be an art gallery of depression/anxiety-induced art.