Afraid of Being Afraid

I have just experienced true fear.  The crisis that ignited this fear is winding down.  However, I remain in the “bad things can and will happen” zone.  Most of what I describe is a fairly normal reaction to experiencing a true trauma.  However, being depressed and anxious has taken these normal reactions and ratcheted them up into a “afraid of being afraid ” mental state.  Depression/Anxiety is a disease that distorts reality in a negative way.  My current mental state is fresh meat to this disease.

My job today is to do what I can to stay in the moment.  The moment is the only real thing and given my tendency to stray from reality this is a dangerous time.  These are the things I am going to do.  1) I am too jacked up to mediate by sitting but I will do a walking meditation, walking very slowly and being aware of the experience.  2) When I stray from the moment, I will repeat the phase “let go and let God”.  3)  Every hour I will check out my mental state to be sure I haven’t slipped into a negative thought pattern.  4)  The most dangerous thing I can do right now is over think the problem.  I need to be calmer to talk it through.