Suicide

The scariest word for the sufferers of depression and anxiety, is SUICIDE.   Why do I sometimes, even as an inkling, have the sense that suicide is an option…I lose my focus, anxiety and depression are too overwhelming, my emotions are too intense?  Right now my 2 month old granddaughter is fighting for her live in an ICU unit and I, in the past, have fought hard to live when I have been close to death caused by my own life threatening illness.  So how can such a strong thrust in the direction of life be reconciled with leaving suicide as an option on the table.

It has finally occurred to me…it’s about brain chemistry.  When my depression and anxiety are under control through modern medicine, I want to fight for life but when they aren’t  I want to escape my psychic pain.  The brain chemistry imbalance leads anxiety/depressives to think there are no options other than suicide.

My instinct to live is alive and well as long as my the chemical balance regarding depression and anxiety is in check.