Anxiety Everyday

Every morning I wake up anxious, a sensation in my body of excess tension.  I try to meditate when I am still half asleep because once I am awake my brain is exploding with tense energy.  The puzzling thing is the anxiety is usually about nothing in particular.  To give it some gravitas I scour my iPad for news that will give my anxiety a focus.  It is easier to be anxious about something then to be anxious about nothing.  “Just anxious” is generalized anxiety.  It floats around looking for prey.  All I can do is be aware that this is occurring and try to shot down the crazy thoughts and accompanying storylines.

Focused anxiety is about a real event and is a bit easier to work with.  The amount of anxiety I have is usually way out proportion to the event.  However, because I have something real to work with I can attempt to put the event into a realistic context.  A recent example is a problem with an old friend who is part of a group of old friends.  The friend has been verbally abusive to me for years.  I have repeatedly asked the friend to stop the verbal abuse.  Finally, I had enough.  Even though it is difficult to end a friendship with an old friend who is part of greater group of friends, it needed to be done.

I arranged to see the friend for the last time to see if anything could be worked out.  Then I decided it would just end in an ugly encounter so I canceled the meeting.   Over the weekend I was suppose to meet the friend, I got very anxious and had a bad stomach ache.  Because I felt so uncomfortable I decided to use the cognitive circle to help see the problem clearly.  To use this technique you draw a circle and divide it in four.  The first section states the problem, “end of friendship”. The next section is made up of words about how I feel, “victim”, “asked for abuse”, “deserved abuse”, “afraid to lose friendship” “it is all my fault”.  The next section is made up of sentences about the words, “I am a bad person to let this person abuse me”.  “I am a victim so this person abuses me”.  “I deserve to be abused”.  “It is my fault that the friendship is ending.”  The last section of the circle I put sentences that are true. For example, “I am brave to stand up for myself with an old friend who verbally abuses me.”  “The abuser is the one who is ending the friendship because they will not stop their abuse.”  “It is sad that this person is so out of control.”  “The friendship can resume once the abuser stops the behavior.”   I repeated the true sentences, and I was able to move on.