How Easy It Is Trigger Depression/Anxiety – The D/A Instruction Book

As I mentioned in my last post, I am being genetically tested for future cancers.  I have already had three different cancers, and I am apparently part of a genetic cancer cluster.  The test should indicate what other cancers I may be particularly susceptible to, and then I can be monitored in a more focused way.

However, I cannot decide if this is going to make me more anxious or less anxious.  I had already concluded at some deep place that my cancer problem was chronic, so will more information help?  Medically, the answer is yes.  They will catch it early, and my treatment will hopefully be less physically and mentally challenging than previous treatments that I have undergone.

But enough with rational thinking.  The anxiety that going through this genetic testing process is producing is enough to throw me back into the void.  My body is a-twitter.  I wake up at 6 a.m. with anxious thoughts and stomach problems, and I chew on my clothes to comfort myself.  These are clear signs that I am very upset, having gone through this pattern several times before.

I start writing in this blog and then remember that I have a book of instructions of what to do when it gets like this.  Over the years, I have put together this book of instructions about how to deal with painful feelings.  So I find the book and turn to the Anxiety page.  The first thing it says is: “be aware” that there is a problem.  I can check that one off, since I am writing this blog about it.  Then it says: “identify the  triggering event.”  I think I have that one down.  Third, it says: “be sure to take anxiety medicine and practice mindfulness.”  Mindfulness includes meditation and attempting to catch myself thinking anxious thoughts and trying to bring myself into the present.  Counting helps me to focus and takes up the space in my brain where I have anxious thoughts.  Fourth, “take a walk.”  Fifth, “pick a word that represents the reality of the event, and keep repeating it like a mantra when you take the walk.”  Sixth, “scream to let your negative energy out and imagine the anxiety leaving your body.”  Finally, the book says” “blog or talk it through with your doctor or some other supportive person.”  Talking or writing about it clears your brain and gives you new insights.  What I got out of writing this blog is that I remembered that I had an instruction book that sets forth the steps I have taken in the past that have helped me.